The Night Anita Vanished

We went there to get our open water scuba divers license (PADI) and to relax. But relax, we did not. On one frightful night we decided to go out for a few casual drinks. We went with two Swedish boys whom we met earlier on Koh Phangan and headed to a bar with a free fire show.

 Everything seemed to be going smoothly as we played some drinking games and had some laughs. Later, we moved to a different bar that sold buckets of alcohol. Yes, buckets. Always a good idea when your drink comes in a vessel made for a child playing with sand at the beach.

 We were all playing the card game Ride the Bus, and unfortunately Anita lost. Long story short, the looser has to drink copious amounts of alcohol very quickly. So Anita basically chugged an entire rum and coke bucket to herself. I was also indulging in the high brow class of a plastic bucket when out of nowhere, Patricia emerged. Patricia was, as the young kids say, wildin’ out. She was destroying the dance floor, spinning and getting on all fours to shake her booty. She was stealing sips out of strangers drinks and twirling around like she owned the place. She was making out with randos and sip sip sipping away… I had never seen her act like this at a bar before. I thought it was humorous at first so I took some funny videos for the mems. After a while I realized I needed to be the responsible friend and put her to bed. As we exit the bar Patricia demands we stop somewhere for food first. She apparently NEEDED a 7/11 toastie so I bought her one and we sat outside on the curb to eat it (for those who don’t know in Asia the 7/11’s sell an array of refrigerated grilled cheeses that the clerks put into a panini press to eat hot. It comes out gooey and delicious and it’s a staple drunchie snack).  She demolished hers in 4 seconds flat and then grabs the toastie out of our Swedish friends hand and starts eating his too (pitiful toastie etiquette). She was uttering total nonsense and acting VERY sassy which we all found quite funny in the moment. Finally around 2am, I managed to get her walking back to our hostel where we arrived safe and sound… well that’s what we thought.

 We were sitting in the lobby talking to some other guests when Patricia  randomly got up and took a call. She walked out the door on her phone so I assumed she would come right back. After a minute or two I went outside to check on her… but she wasn’t there. I looked all around the outside of the hostel but there was no sight of Patricia. She had completely disappeared. I thought to myself that there is no way she isn’t just down the street since I came out minutes after her. I walked up and down the road where the hostel was but no Patricia in sight. I was so confused, she vanished out of thin air?? 

I shouted her name, called her a million times, and searched inside any establishments that were still open. I asked people on the streets if they had seen her but nobody had. I was starting to get worried because I was the one with our room key so I knew she wouldn’t be able to get back into the room if I went to bed. I found some random sober guy in the hostel lobby and forced him to drive me on his motorbike all around town looking for Patricia. We drove back and forth for 20 minutes and still nothing. I continued to call her but no answer. I tried to track her phone on FindMyFriends but no luck. I left so many text messages, facebook and Instagram DMs, Whatsapp face-times, and even a desperate email. Patricia had left the building, both metaphorically and physically. After some time I finally gave up and went back to the hostel.

I left the room key at the front desk, hoping she would find it there. I then put on my pajamas, brushed my teeth, and anxiously waited in my bed. Terrible thoughts flooded my mind and I obviously couldn’t sleep. I stayed up for 3 hours thinking about what to do. Patricia is a woman, alone, and lost in the streets of a foreign country with seemingly no phone. It was now 6am and I considered calling the police and then her mother. I couldn’t believe this was actually happening. As I’m googling how to report a missing person in Thailand, I hear a faint knock on the door…ANITA!?!?!

 I jumped out of my bed and rushed to the door. When I opened it I was so shocked and relieved that I couldn’t utter any words. All that came out was a hesitant laugh. The sight before my eyes was not funny at all but it was one of those moments where you don’t know what to do so you just laugh instead. Anita was standing there with scratches all over her arms, legs, and face. The elastic band on her tube top had been ripped so she was keeping it from falling down with her hand. Her hair was a mess and mascara was everywhere. We hugged and laughed and sat on the bed together to debrief. I asked her what the flying f*ck just happened and she knew just as much as I did. She said the last thing she remembers is playing Ride the Bus at the bar. Next thing she knew she was waking up ON THE SIDEWALK.

All of her belongings, including her purse and wallet, were next to her…but her phone was gone. When she woke up she had no idea how she ended up there or why she was covered in scratches; she found her way back to the hostel by asking people for directions. Of course our first thought was that something horrific happened to her but thankfully she didn’t feel like she was touched or hurt in any way. We hypothesized that the scrapes were caused by a wire fence of sorts. We assumed she tripped and fell and that’s probably when her phone was lost. 

After Anita had some time to collect herself, we went back out to try and locate her phone. The only issue being that Anita couldn’t recall the area she woke up in at all; she was in such a confused daze that she didn’t clock where in the city she was. This made finding her phone near impossible. As we wandered into town she recalled that she was near-ish the beach and there were people around. We walked to a few possible spots but none of them looked familiar to her. We did all the FindMyPhone tricks etc but no luck. We accepted defeat and went back to our hostel to rest. After a few hours we met back up with the Swedish boys and got breakfast where all we could do was laugh at Patricia’s downfall. The next day Anita bought a new iPhone from this weird technology store in town (which she still uses to this day!). She promised me that Patricia would be put to rest for good and that we would take it easy from here on out. There are still so many questions we will never have the answers to, but in the end all we can do is laugh it off.

Moral of this story: rum and coke buckets are pure poison and they turn your innocent best friends into Patricias. Stay safe out there folks.